Some days ago I said I was so happy, that there is nothing in the world I could wish for and that I had everything. It was true. I couldn think of anything that I was missing in my life then.
There was enough one simple memory to turn all this upside down. I mean, there is only one thing that always turned me down, like an unfulfilled love, that sometimes you forget about, but it is there in your heart all the time, and every moment you remember it, youre filled with nostalgy and sadness.
During my life, I had several ideas, more like obsessions, that faded away and turned back to me. My love for theatre was one of them. The greatest one. It began when I was on the 6th grade, calmed down shortly after that, revived when I finished secondary school, in a new and more powerful form. A great obsession that determined everything I have done for four years. When I began my "dark period" in Politehnica University, I intentionally tried to forget about it, my last contact with theater being unpleasant and "a loose"...couldnt really do it 100%.
And now...that I finished my bachelors in electrical engeneering (which at the beginning I saw as a piece of art that I have to play for 4 years), maybe admitted for Masters in Germany, maybe with a relatively good job...I am hauned again by the thoght, what if I would have been stronger back then and I would have studied dramatic art. Would i have been a good actress somewhere, and not an "below avarage" engineer? (the word engineer when used with my name makes me laugh :)) ).
I would have traveled the world? Would I have had the one to love or would i have been all alone and sad? (or not sad?)
I am wondering, will I ever be able to become an artist and to practice my art? Am I good as an artist or is just an idea that keeps haunting me?
despite the apparences, I am happier than I have ever been =)) :P
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